Extreme Pizza
5829 Jarvis Ave
Newark CA 94560
510-742-9200
It was a calm Saturday morning and I'd I was out running errands which included buying heinous amounts of paint for my new condo and doing tax stuff for my first time home-buyer credit. Both of those tasks made me feel really good. Of course I wasn't thinking about how much it would suck getting a 5 gallon bucket of paint up the stairs at that point... Anyway I was in the area of an Extreme Pizza that the local pizza gourmet recommended so I figured I'd take a shot. Here's my review of the Everest, all meat pizza.
Taste:
All meat. How can you wrong with that? Well, I'll tell you. If you place that meat on a platform of ASS! Ok it wasn't really ass but the crust was like eating barely wet cardboard. You know like if you wet the corrugated stuff just enough so it became flexible but was still hard to poke all the way though with a finger. But it wasn't even as thick as corrugated cardboard so however they achieved that level of ass-board eluded me. And the sauce and toppings themselves tasted ok, not $22 and change ok, but ok nonetheless. Or at least it was for as long as I could concentrate on tasting before the toppings fell off. It really was more like a crunch as you bit in while the rest of the toppings popped and flaked off. No sliding off here. It seemed like they forgot to lay down some primer before they laid down the topping coat. - Ahaaah! See that was a little painting reference there, being as I picked up some paint and all... Like that? I thought you wouldn't......
Authenticity:
What does authentic extreme taste like? I don't know, seriously. It's like saying the awesome blossom had that extra hint of awesome that brought out the flavor just right.
Consistency:
Here's where I didn't perform my usual scientific method. When a guy who eats Little Caesar's pizza and expects Little Caesar's pizza and then
likes it tells you that this was worse than a F@*king LITTLE CAESAR'S PIZZA... it can't be good. If you've followed my food ratings for any amount of time you would easily understand that I love my food to a greater extent than that of most people and I find myself discouraged to give them the standard 3-visit average rating.
Cost to Serving:
Like I said up top, not a ~$23 pizza. Sure the actual diameter was there to justify the price of a large pizza but it was brought down, way down, by that sub par crust. In golf I think they call that a bogey... Bogey crust folks, which magnified the total cost to serving as a complete unit to double bogey status. Yeah, unit. Not a pizza.
-- WARNING: GRAPHIC DEPICTION AHEAD --
Conclusion:
I love my food, maybe a little more so than is healthy, but hey, someone has to. But this just broke my heart, then took the shards and put them in a food processor, was eaten by an abnormally sweaty, overwight comic book fanboy , crapped it out in some plastic, shrink wrapped it, and called it Hillshire Farms.
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Price Paid: ~23
Price I'd Pay: ~5??
Cumulative Rating: 3.0 - only because there are still worse out there
CRAP TO THE EXTREME!!!
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